we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
