yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
