im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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