How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I need a beard to bite.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
