Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
