the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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