it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
foreskin is a definite game changer
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
