but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
