I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
