Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
