you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
