The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
