dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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