there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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