Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
