This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
