If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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