glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
