so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
