whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
