Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
