We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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