So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
