there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize