Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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