hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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