Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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