I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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