So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
