I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
