So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
