I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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