her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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