I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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