god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize