I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My vagina is officially offended.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You did what with his pubic hair?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
