I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
