i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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