every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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