wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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