next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
