when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
