Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
