After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
