Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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