Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
