have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
