1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
