Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
