she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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