was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
