thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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