Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
only you would photoshop your dick
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
