First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
