I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
