Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
