i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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