I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
