You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
