Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
