What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
