How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
