Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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