He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
