Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
