I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
