Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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