I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
