I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
