He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
pray to the hookup gods
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
