I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
