I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im holly from the hills drunk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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