I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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