I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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